I was sitting in the last row of the class overlooking the girl that I admired most. She was no doubt the most gorgeous looking girl that I ever met.
Oh, have I not tell you that I'm easily fell for strangers? Jeanne (not her real name) was no stranger to me but relatively we were still new friends considered that we had never spoken to each other during Form 1.
Because of this strange feelings I had for her, I told my friend Anna (not her real name) about it. Remember, I was still naive about what gay was at that time. Without my knowledge, Anna told Jeanne about my feelings.
Being an introvert (yes, not all gay and lesbian are flamboyant and extrovert) and shy person, Jeanne approached me first and showed me signs that she was into me as well. We went out for movies and became inseparable in school.
Then the problem came. My results dropped tremendously. My parents thought I was too involved in sports. The problem isn't with Jeanne either. It was me. I was still struggling accepting my sexuality. I did not know who to turn to or speak to about myself, my feelings, my problems, etc. Not even Jeanne because we were only physically attracted to each other.
To fix my studies problem, I decided to leave Jeanne and concentrate on my year-end examination. She wasn't happy with what I did.
After seeing my results improved, I decided that I want her back in my life. But it was too late. She ended up with another classmate of ours instead.
My heart was broken. The world seemed collapsed. She was my first love. And I had to bear this feelings with me for the next 7 years.
P.S. Whenever I listen to this song, it will remind me of her.
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Labels: personal
posted by AndroJ at 2:18 AM
Seems like we have alot in common. I too studied in an all-girl school, found my first love when I was in Form One, and is now trying to come out of the closet (at least only to my closest friends, but it's a start). Look forward to reading more of your posts :)